Purple [A migraine poem]

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Chakra Affirmations for Anxiety and Sexual Abuse

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Sitting or laying down in a position that is comfortable for you, repeat the following affirmations whenever you are in need of feeling interconnected or grounded (better yet, use them as a guide to make your own!). It might be useful to record them into your phone if you prefer hearing them rather than reading.  These affirmations hold the key beliefs that I have learned through my anxiety, OCD, and trauma work.  They are written with much love to all of you. I hope they serve to remind you of your light.

At the beginning of this practice, I recommend taking some time to focus on your breath, bringing your own capacity to heal into the palms of your hands and in preparation to let go of anything that does not serve you.

(Beginning at the root chakra)

I am grounded, safe, and steady.  In the face of uncertainty I respond with grace and compassionate inquiry.  I am safe.

(Placing your hands over your sacral chakra)

I express myself creatively.  I release my emotions into creative spaces.  I funnel my energy passionately into people and causes that allow me to embody my most authentic self. “I will not be so loyal to my suffering” (This is one of my favorite lines from Jack Kornfield).

(Placing your hands over your solar plexus)

I move steadily and with courage in pursuit of thoughts and actions that serve my higher self.  I am resilient.

(Placing your hand over your heart chakra)

I give and receive love unconditionally.  I allow only those people into my life who honor my mind, body, and experience.  I am love.

(Placing your hands over your throat chakra)

I speak my truth. “Every no I say is a yes to myself.  When I express yeses and noes truthfully, it is easy to live a kind life” (Byron Katie)

(Placing your hand over your third eye)

I seek truth in all things.  I follow my intuition.  My intuition is how god speaks to me.  I seek truth with love, compassion, and inquiry.

(Placing your hand over your crown chakra)

I see divinity in all things including myself.  I recognize that I am deeply interconnected to people and nature.  I recognize that “we are all here walking each other home” (Ram Dass).

(Ending with a deep inhale in gratitude for this life)

“We have come into this exquisite world to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage, freedom, and light” (Hafiz)

Namaste.

Poetry: “My head hurts, I must have a brain tumor” and other ruminations

I think I hear voices

Yup, I hear voices.

I’m 17 lying face down on the kitchen floor, head pressed against the refrigerator to convince myself the noises I hear are actually coming from the refrigerator.

They are.

But I still think I have schizophrenia

I spend the following 2 months triple checking every noise I hear

 

I am 30.

I am sitting in the Target waiting room

Crying

Because a few minutes ago the thought crossed my mind:

“What if I suddenly forget how to leave the store?”

Naturally, I panic.

I forget where the doors are.

I sit in the waiting room for the next 20 minutes reminding myself

It’s just your anxiety.  It’s just your OCD.

 

I am 7. And 8. And 9…… and 32.

I am examining and cautiously tasting my food.  Everything feels contaminated.

What if it’s not cooked right? Did they check the expiration dates? Did they wash their hands? Did I wash my hands? Did I wash them enough? What if I didn’t wash them but think I did?

 

I am 32 and….

I have ERP. I have Mindfulness.  I have ACT.  I have a community of people like me

I have: “I’m going to bed so I get enough sleep. Can you turn the TV down, please?”

I have: “The thought paralyzed me for a minute but I’m eating that pizza” because exposures and stuff

 

I am 32 and I have OCD.

And although I am typing this with cracked hands from the latest episode of excessive hand washing, I am grateful, most of the time, for this thing that causes me to be intimately aware of the complexity of the human experience.